It was bound to happen sooner or later. It took six months but the guilt has officially set in.
I will say first off, I don't mind working- Most days at least. I like to have my own income and I am very aware of the fact that in order to keep up our current lifestyle, it is important that I do bring in some sort of income. I don't have a job that I loathe like a lot of people I know. And to be quite honest I am not sure I have what it takes to be a full time SAHM. (Hats off to you ladies)
I can not begin to tell you how many people have told me how sorry for me they are because I "have to work". I'm not going to lie, it's a little bit offensive. For the record- overall, most days I don't feel like I "have to work." It is a choice I have made that is best for my family. I know this, I KNOW THIS, however that sneaky mom-guilt has set in...
My baby had her first cold last week. She was so congested and couldn't breathe out of her tiny nose and all I wanted to do was stay home with her all day but instead I had to go to work. There is that "have to". I despise that "have to". I long for flexibility that being a full time working mom does not afford. And tomorrow, BGT has her 6 month check up and again, I won't be there which makes me sad.
I ask myself am I short changing us both by being a working mom? My mother worked until I was about 4.5 when my youngest sister was born and I have very few fleeting memories of her not being a SAHM. I don't feel short changed or like I am permanently scarred from spending my first years in daycare so what makes me think Bennett Grace is going to be? She stays with my mom full time. Next to me I can say hands down there is no place I would rather her be. So why do I keep asking myself the same questions? Constantly reconsidering my decisions? MOM GUILT. That's why.
I am not sure if the guilt is here to stay or something that comes and goes but for now it's here and I want it to go.
(On a separate note- Apologies in the state of my blog design- I should not be trusted to try to do anything other than write a simple post and leave the blog design to the professionals. I don't know what I did or how I did it but unless I can figure it out soon its here to stay)